Category Archives: relatioships
Anxiety Ann
Occasionally when Ann transitioned through life she has encountered a bout with anxiety. Not knowing how to deal with it, left Ann defeated every time. Her period of transition would leave her feeling exasperated, depressed and sometimes suicidal. Until one day her encounter with a co-worker who had experienced the same symptoms helped to set her free. Free indeed it was for Ann, she felt as if the hands that tightened around her throat at the first sign of change, finally loosen. Anxiety was her body’s natural response to danger, an automatic alarm that went off when she realized that certain occurrences were outside of her range of understanding and control. Ann felt like she was losing her grip on life and all that was familiar to her, so she fought change at work, at home, in relationships and sometimes even in and of her own necessary character flaws.
Charles Spurgeon said, “Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength”. Imagine fighting against yourself…or within yourself, mindboggling to say the least. This is what Ann was experiencing. Not having enough information to dictate, control or to anticipate her outcome led to Ann’s anxiety.
Read more about Ann and 11 other women who “Mastered the Art of their Emotions” in order to transition successfully. Your shift in thought, mindset, and lifestyle awaits……. ~Janie
SEE JANE RUN – I AM BEAUTIFUL
The following is an excerpt from chapter 7 of my book “See Jane Run” Encouraging Mother Daughter Communication.
Purchase: https://www.createspace.com/5776362
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Although beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, the feeling of being beautiful exists solely in the mind of the beheld. ~Martha Beck
SEE JANE RUN – I AM BEAUTIFUL
At one time or another every young lady feels as if she is not beautiful. I met with these unkind thoughts early on in my childhood. Unsure of why I was so insecure at the time, I often played over and over in my mind (the thoughts of comparison) how my nose was too big, my lips were too full and my body type too skinny. I remember specifically thinking that one of my best friends was clearly prettier than I was because she was a lighter skin African American. I felt as if the boys liked her better and that I was not as desirable because I was of a darker skin tone. I wish that I could say that I eventually got over this negative perception of self while I was yet a little girl, but it wasn’t until I was a young adult that my thought process began to change. I had taken a job in my career field and was leaving my office one day. I remember an older gentlemen walking toward me in the parking lot and, as he approached me, he stopped to say, “You are such a beautiful young lady.” Those seven words from a stranger that day lifted my spirits a world over. They brought a smile to my face and, most importantly, helped to change the weight of the perception I had held over the years.
Now, I have no problem saying to myself and believing it, “I am Beautiful,” because in the mind of the beheld (my mind) my perception, my self-worth and self-esteem are much higher. I have learned to accept my differences, whether they’re in skin tone, facial features or body shape, and appreciate them as unique, and uniquely me.
Mothers – encourage your daughters to embrace their “uniqueness” and leverage its power in life.
Daughters – Be Uniquely YOU!
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“Your Favor ain’t Like Mine”
Dreading a change in schools recently, my eldest daughter shared with me a negative comment repeated to her by one of her peers of which was overheard from an adult, regarding her soon to be school. Such a comment had her (my daughter) very much uneasy about the new school environment.
To her comment I answered “Do not allow the opinions of others to become your opinion before you have had your own experience with a particular person, place or thing”. Why? Because your favor is different from their favor…..the environment, the atmosphere, certain personalities will respond to you entirely different than it would/will to another individual. These were not just words of comfort for my dear child but words of which I truly live by.
Prime example, have you ever had a negative experience with a person, place or thing and shared that experience with someone else who had also encountered the same person, place or thing? Only to realize that their experience was 100% positive? In that moment of sharing, you probably found yourself trying to justify your negative experience as not only the norm but to convince the other person to see things the way that you – experienced it.
Outside of that moment, once you have had the time to reflect, what did you ask yourself? Hopefully one or two of the following;
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What were my motives for sharing this negative experience?
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Can this individual/audience handle this negative experience? Consider this especially in the realm of young people.
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Was my experience the overwhelmingly consistent “norm” regarding this person, place or thing?
Grantland Rice says it this way “A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion”. The Bible says it this way “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions”. (Prov. 18:2, NIV)
Although we all have the right to freedom of speech, that freedom of speech or opinion for that matter should never be to the detriment of another individual’s right to the same. Simply because we as individuals, with unique identities and favor will meet with life and life experiences differently.
Because “Your Favor ain’t Like Mine”, I choose to always add my own personal clause, the “Negative Opinion Clause” (NOC). This is done by stating that the opinion for which I am about to share is my opinion and my opinion only. That then, empowers others to not have to conform to your/my experience as the absolute. The end result – a people rich in experience and wise in living.
By the way, the experience for which my daughter dreaded proved to be all but negative for her. She in turn is enjoying her new school environment and have met new friends, with (positive) common interests.
Remember to either like our blogs, share our blog or invite someone to follow our blog. JANENOTDOE promotes “Identity” among Sisterhood…..Be All that YOU were meant to be unapologetically!
Who Moved My Cheese?
In many ways when we are faced with problems and/or situations, that prove to be too challenging to our sense of self, we resist the idea of the need to change. Such resistance will eventually impact us in every aspect of life. Instead we spend unnecessary time hoping that things will go back to how it was.
Recently I revisited a book titled “Who Moved My Cheese”. When I initially read the book it helped me to make some much needed changes in life, quickly. I would like to share a summary of the 7 key secrets of the book here;
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Change Happens (get used to it)
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Anticipate Change (look for it always)
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Monitor Change (Keep your eyes open)
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Adapt to Change (Move or Lose)
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Change (Move with the Cheese)
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Enjoy Change (Take the adventure)
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Be Ready to Change Quickly (because the cheese will keep moving) (Johnson, 2012)
Remaining in a place of denial too long cripples your ability to move on to new cheese. If you don’t change, you stand the chance of becoming extinct. For which the risk is too great – SO INSTEAD MOVE!
MOVE and relocate your cheese, that cheese represent your already established resources. Your already proven methods and strategies. Don’t lose the ground gained because you refuse to change, to re- evaluate or refresh the vision.
MOVE NOW & MOVE SWIFTLY!
Life Happens, No one is Exempt…
Life Happens and No one is Exempt………………………..
Have you ever heard the expression? “I don’t
wish this on my worst enemy”? It implies, something one would say, in order to emphasize that something is extremely unpleasant.
Those were my exact words, at a not so grand moment in my life. Although, it didn’t seem like a moment, but more like a lifetime.
At the time, I couldn’t see pass the days in front of me because of the fear and anxiety that I had allowed to crowd my mind. I cried quite a bit I must say, overcome by hurt & the pain of rejection and uncertainty of what was to come.
As I share this post, I can honestly say I have made it through that dark period in my life and have emerged with such a greater sense of self, myself. It was then, that I realized that the fear and anxiety I experienced were largely, what I myself had internalized.
Yes, the situation was chaotic and the pain I was experiencing was very real. But my perception (although dismal) at the time and the way I handled the situation, were results of conscious reactions based on a rollercoaster of unstable emotions.
I know you are saying how can you say that? Pain is real and when we go through it, there’s no mature way to handle it. But! I beg to differ. Knowing what I know now I can say with as surety, that we are our own filters of what we allow to negatively impact us in our day to day living. It is our own perception and our own choices, more so our conscious behaviors that largely determines, how we go through life’s trials.
I say once again, Life Happens and No one is Exempt…, regardless of who you are and the position you may assume in life. It is the trials of Life that teaches us what we are made of.
After which, we emerge knowing what it is we truly believe. What I celebrate most is the fact that in such uphill battles, there is recompense. Recompense in the form of wisdom, strength and purpose, gained as a result of life’s experiences, good or bad.
My favorite go to from my word bank is, “Been there, done that, won’t go back no more, no more, no more, no more”! At least that is my hope, never to allow life’s challenges to cause me to act otherwise un-seemingly again……after all I have wisdom, strength and purpose on my side!
If today or tomorrow you find yourself in an unpleasant situation, consider the following tips;
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Never lose Hope: Hope will continuously give you something to live for and to look forward too.
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Engage: I have adopted the scorched earth concept. It is a military strategy which involves destroying anything negative (memories, relationships, etc.) that might be useful to the enemy while advancing through (Life).
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Forgive: Chose to forgive, sooner rather than later…by doing so you take back your power to live. Remember also to forgive yourself too.
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Allow yourself the space and time to heal: This is tricky because it is easy to constantly re-live the hurt, nurse the memories/details of the hurts. It’s okay to take time to heal but by all means do not re – victimize yourself.
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Accept Responsibility: by doing do it relieves you from the victim mentality. No one did anything to you, for which you did not first allow….