Author: Janie Williams Brown
SEE JANE RUN – I AM BEAUTIFUL
The following is an excerpt from chapter 7 of my book “See Jane Run” Encouraging Mother Daughter Communication.
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Although beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, the feeling of being beautiful exists solely in the mind of the beheld. ~Martha Beck
SEE JANE RUN – I AM BEAUTIFUL
At one time or another every young lady feels as if she is not beautiful. I met with these unkind thoughts early on in my childhood. Unsure of why I was so insecure at the time, I often played over and over in my mind (the thoughts of comparison) how my nose was too big, my lips were too full and my body type too skinny. I remember specifically thinking that one of my best friends was clearly prettier than I was because she was a lighter skin African American. I felt as if the boys liked her better and that I was not as desirable because I was of a darker skin tone. I wish that I could say that I eventually got over this negative perception of self while I was yet a little girl, but it wasn’t until I was a young adult that my thought process began to change. I had taken a job in my career field and was leaving my office one day. I remember an older gentlemen walking toward me in the parking lot and, as he approached me, he stopped to say, “You are such a beautiful young lady.” Those seven words from a stranger that day lifted my spirits a world over. They brought a smile to my face and, most importantly, helped to change the weight of the perception I had held over the years.
Now, I have no problem saying to myself and believing it, “I am Beautiful,” because in the mind of the beheld (my mind) my perception, my self-worth and self-esteem are much higher. I have learned to accept my differences, whether they’re in skin tone, facial features or body shape, and appreciate them as unique, and uniquely me.
Mothers – encourage your daughters to embrace their “uniqueness” and leverage its power in life.
Daughters – Be Uniquely YOU!
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“Your Favor ain’t Like Mine”
Dreading a change in schools recently, my eldest daughter shared with me a negative comment repeated to her by one of her peers of which was overheard from an adult, regarding her soon to be school. Such a comment had her (my daughter) very much uneasy about the new school environment.
To her comment I answered “Do not allow the opinions of others to become your opinion before you have had your own experience with a particular person, place or thing”. Why? Because your favor is different from their favor…..the environment, the atmosphere, certain personalities will respond to you entirely different than it would/will to another individual. These were not just words of comfort for my dear child but words of which I truly live by.
Prime example, have you ever had a negative experience with a person, place or thing and shared that experience with someone else who had also encountered the same person, place or thing? Only to realize that their experience was 100% positive? In that moment of sharing, you probably found yourself trying to justify your negative experience as not only the norm but to convince the other person to see things the way that you – experienced it.
Outside of that moment, once you have had the time to reflect, what did you ask yourself? Hopefully one or two of the following;
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What were my motives for sharing this negative experience?
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Can this individual/audience handle this negative experience? Consider this especially in the realm of young people.
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Was my experience the overwhelmingly consistent “norm” regarding this person, place or thing?
Grantland Rice says it this way “A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion”. The Bible says it this way “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions”. (Prov. 18:2, NIV)
Although we all have the right to freedom of speech, that freedom of speech or opinion for that matter should never be to the detriment of another individual’s right to the same. Simply because we as individuals, with unique identities and favor will meet with life and life experiences differently.
Because “Your Favor ain’t Like Mine”, I choose to always add my own personal clause, the “Negative Opinion Clause” (NOC). This is done by stating that the opinion for which I am about to share is my opinion and my opinion only. That then, empowers others to not have to conform to your/my experience as the absolute. The end result – a people rich in experience and wise in living.
By the way, the experience for which my daughter dreaded proved to be all but negative for her. She in turn is enjoying her new school environment and have met new friends, with (positive) common interests.
Remember to either like our blogs, share our blog or invite someone to follow our blog. JANENOTDOE promotes “Identity” among Sisterhood…..Be All that YOU were meant to be unapologetically!
Creating The Life You Want in 2015 ………….
It is soon to be 2015 and for many of us with the dawning of a New Year comes the setting of new goals and New Year resolutions. If we are honest with one another, we can admit that a couple of those goals/resolutions are new, a few might even be unrealistic but the majority is carried over un-reached from the previous year.
Convinced that our thought process has much in common with how we approach and reach our goals, I find the following quote by Frank Outlaw most appropriate.
Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
Embrace with me for a moment, the idea that everything perceived (positive/negative) in the natural has its origin in the invisible, inner most depth of our thoughts and beliefs. Therefore; when one entertains thoughts of hopelessness or despair their manifested actions of the same will soon follow.
However, entertaining positive thoughts allows us to tackle our goals/resolutions by looking for effective ways in which to reach them. Though it might not be easy, the impact of positive thinking on one’s mental, emotional, and physical health will far outweigh that of negative thinking.
Let me stress that being a positive thinker is not about ignoring reality in favor of aspirational thoughts. However, it is more about taking a proactive approach to your life. I am reminded of Proverbs 23 verse 7a that states “For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” As with any change we should begin by recognizing the truth and that truth is “our thoughts create our reality”.
Now let’s be honest, this process of positive thoughts takes practice; and lots of it. Contrary to society’s quick fix for everything, this is not a step-by-step process that you can complete and be done with in an instant. Instead, it involves a lifelong commitment to looking inside oneself and being willing to challenge negative people, thoughts, actions, and habits, then making positive changes for the better. By doing so, we attract into our lives that which we are intended/destined to have.
Whether it is our health, relationships, or financial well-being we must learn to control the nature of our dominant, habitual negative thoughts that then follows a process of habitual manifestation. Here are some tips for creating a better future and as a result reaching those unmet goals;
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Implement a time for daily prayer/meditation.
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Regularly – List five things that you are grateful for right now.
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Don’t play the victim. You create your life—take responsibility.
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Take time to recharge.
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Surround yourself with positive people.
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Smile Often.
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Avoid Negative Self-Talk.
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Be tolerant of others progress and of your own progress.
With this being the season of Thanksgiving, I found it most fitting to share just one thing that I am thankful for.